You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
