new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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