he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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