I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
