Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
