His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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