the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
