Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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