I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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