Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
