how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
