that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
