I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
