Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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