My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
