his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I want is dick and wine.
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