i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize