I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
