Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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