I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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