I need help removing her.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
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Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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