I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
