Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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