I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
