i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
