note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
