and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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