you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
