I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
