I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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