if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
