Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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