Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
