what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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