Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize