There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
