I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
