the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize