Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
