Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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