craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
