now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
