My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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