Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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