how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My dick has a subreddit
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
