Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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