No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
