I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
