I just threw up on my dentist
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
