ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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