Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
