nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
