how can u be prego again
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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