I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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