Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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