I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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