apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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