OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
