haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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