This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize