I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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