Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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