Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
