Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
