Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
