Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
