Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
