Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize