I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
